Thanks to all for praying. I feel incredibly blessed by your prayers and encouraging words. What a gift in the midst of this all.

So, Bug stopped growing a week or two ago it seems. What that means for me is a miscarriage will be happening over the next few days. I am sad, and feeling a little flat. Mixed in with that is a tiny odd feeling of relief as well, if it can be called that. I had my big teary meltdown moment yesterday morning, then spent the rest of the day preparing my heart for a situation that would be drawn out over months or years.

But it is almost over. All that emotional energy left with a whoosh and I feel deflated. However-and this is big-I am at peace. I get a chance to live my words. Words I’ve said five years ago almost to the day (Miriam) and words that I said a week ago. God gave us eight days of joy with Bug. That’s how long we got her and I wouldn’t trade those for anything. Eight days to be glad, to teach J how we pray for our children even before they are born. Eight days to be overwhelmed by the body of Christ and their outpouring of love and support for our family. Eight days to be thankful for.

I’m exhausted, this won’t be long. Over the next few days please pray for my physical health, and for my emotions as we share this development with J. I think that might be the only other time I melt down.

I am humbled tonight. At peace with God’s timing, mourning a little what might have been, and eternally grateful for what was. I love you all and welcome your continued prayers.

~M.