I’m a wreck today. For a lot of reasons, but suffice to say I am a wreck.
I spent an hour scouring the interweb looking for the name of a song I used to listen all the time in the days after Original J died.
During that, I found this song. HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS SONG?
I was grieving Bug and H more than usual today anyway – it’s slightly more difficult each month that I am not pregnant, especially because I just want to be so badly. And should be with my little Bug.
Todd Smith performs this song with the group Selah. It was written for his daughter who was diagnosed in utero with a fatal disease. She lived two hours after she was born. Angie Smith wrote her story in the book I Will Carry You. It’s amazing by the way. The book. It started as a blog, which she still maintains, and I read it all after I returned from Kosovo in two nights on a smart phone. Not easy, especially when you are furtively wiping away tears the whole time and trying not to wake up the Husband blubbering like a baby.
This was my heart song today.
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I’m not
Truth is I’m barely hanging on
But there’s a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says…
I’ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen Me
To carry you
~Todd and Angie Smith
Listen to the song. (Pause the player at the bottom of the blog). It’s beautiful.
~M.
Oh friend, I am so sorry. I feel the pain in this. I don’t know your full story, as I just found you (and thanks for stopping by my blog). That is a beautiful song. I pray right now for the Father to hold you.
Thanks …. the story is long …. but this day is was about my two babes in heaven. I’ve had two miscarriages, one before (H) and one after (Bug) the two wee ones pictured below. I would be about 6 months pregnant right now. Some days I’m still a little gray. You can read about Bug in some of the popular posts. (Let Me Tell You About Bug, Hard Day, Waiting, Update). Thanks for stopping by!
That song is so beautiful! I have heard it before, but watching the Duggars one day they played this song at their babies funeral. It nearly tore my heart out. I have never lost a child, I can’t imagine the heartache you carry.