Finish Line

July 27, 2014

I was elbow deep in greasy dishwater one day this week and letting my eyes wander around this home we’ve made. In the moment, my gaze drifted upward to the music pages wreath perched above our oversized bookshelves with the embroidered “Huggins” slightly askew. photo 1 It occured to me that it was the perfect picture of how I’ve felt over the past eight and a half months. A little off kilter, tipped off my center of gravity and scrambling for level ground.

And the reason I was mostly lost in thought while I scrubbed away two days’ worth of haphazard meals is that soon – VERY soon, this will be finished. 

This – the fear, the worry, the tears, and the “I want my Daddy” heart cries of my wee ones. 

It brings me so. much. joy. to rearrange the spaces in our home to include him. What bedtime looks like with daddy. What breakfast looks like with daddy. What Saturdays look like with daddy. {A whole lot of donuts!} 

There will be boots on the floor, dirty uniforms draped over the chair, empty Diet coke cans NEXT to the trash bin, and I couldn’t be happier. The Husband is almost home …

I am equal parts giddy and panicking. My brain is going just about a million miles a minute these days – I told you previously what I worried about before he left – so here’s what’s keeping me up at night now.

I’m afraid I didn’t do enough, or do it well – parenting, exercise, budgeting, you name it, I am freaking out about it. It’s not always rational, but it’s real.

A very dear friend reminded me to have grace for myself. And to his credit, the Husband laughed in my face (in the most loving way possible, of course) when I mentioned that I still want him to like me – you know the feeling after your second-ish date with someone and you are head over heels and REALLY HOPE he feels the same way. The butterflies, and the sweaty palms, and can’t-stop-thinking-about-him kind of feeling …

He always has grace for me, this Husband o’mine and he loves me so.

And so I have butterflies in my stomach at the thought of seeing him – after nine plus years I am more in love with him today than I was yesterday, and the day before, and all the days before that.

He is my heart and I am so glad it will be whole again soon.  And regardless of whatever arbitrary metric for success or failure I use, I cannot wait to to see him hoist our children over his broad shoulders, and to feel his hands in mine.

All this to say … finish lines are wonderful, and exciting, and scary – pray for us? ~M.

More about Molly Huggins

I am an unrepentant extrovert with an ongoing, passionate affair with coffee, ellipses, and the written word. I write because it’s how I’m made to worship. I am a story teller, because redemption has a story to tell. And always, I want to be a story collector. So have a virtual seat at my beat-up kitchen table. Read my story. Tell me yours. Stay awhile. And P.S. ... for more about me, click on my mug in the sidebar;)

    1. Oh Molly, I am so happy for you! I know you can’t wait to have your whole family under one roof again. That husband of yours is one blessed man just as you are blessed to be his wife. Marriages tend to work best when each spouse thinks he/she got the better end of the deal. Love you and those sweet kiddos. Give baby Jack an extra snuggle from me.

    1. MOLLYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!! SO very excited for all of you! I have always loved your heart for living ….. and soon you will live in the FULLness of your family under one roof again!…..
      such a sweet gift to see your life now!!!!
      laugh and cry and laugh and cry!!!!!….

    1. Yay! Seems like the season for homecomings 🙂 I have two other friends welcoming back their hubbies, and then before too long, it’s my turn! So happy for you and your family!

    1. Molly!! Praying for you these last few days (and for Pete). Can’t wait to hear about the homecoming. We’ve been praying for you lots this year. Love you tons!

    1. Molly, so glad, can’t wait to see the HOME NOW pictures. Love to your family

    1. This post is so full of excitement and anticipation and joy! I’m visiting from FMF today, and I just wanted to comment and tell you that your sweet post made me smile. You’re almost at the finish line! I hope the homecoming is wonderful, and that you quickly find a new rhythm.

    1. Doing major happy dance here! Such a beautiful statement about your heart.
      So, have you thought about going to Allume this year? I haven’t decided yet. Still working on the budget. 🙂

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