Grief

Category

The Month of the Military Child

April is the month of the military child. I have four wild souls populating this space, but my girl, my oldest, she has born the brunt of the choices we make in a way that is both beautiful and heartrending all at once. My husband’s last deployment was two years ago. This one, this one I didn’t think he would survive. (Spoiler, he did.) I hate watching him pack his bags. I hate saying goodbye. I hate watching the children say goodbye....

Tell Me Your Story

I heard it said recently that we should be wary of sharing our testimony. With all due respect … I tell you my story because I want you to know my weakness, and His strength. To recount our moments of fear and grief, grace and joy. To sing a song of redemption.  I just told my story for the first time publicly, to the women I grew up with, to the women who have been praying over me and for me...

On Deployment, and Hard Stories

Deployment is a cornerstone of our story. The story I am working on in book form. Miscarriages. Moves. Deployment. Loss. So much grief. So much grace. I’ve shared bits and pieces of the beginning here in this space, but now I am a wee bit stuck. See, now I have to write this story. And truthfully, eight years later, I am still searching for the right words to tell you how my deployment changed me, as a Christian, as a mother,...

Moving Part 4: Material Blessing and Spiritual Favor

(Editor’s note: We are in Virginia now, and I have every intention of writing ALL THE THINGS and then I fall into bed at night exhausted and overwhelmed with nothing left. I am slooowly catching up in this space, but with Baby Girl due in 2 weeks, have grace for the distinct lack of posting! Also, I realize I am late to the party on responding to this, but it truly is my heart.  May 22, our second day in the...

Memorial Day: The Wrecking

It is surprising how grief changes over the years. Some things I know, I expect. The edges of the wound soften over time. The fear fades, mostly. We aren’t sad every day. Some things I don’t. Nine years and change later, you see a picture on Facebook of a Volkswagon Beetle, remember being the unwilling participant in a particularly hardhitting game of punchbug, and you find yourself tearing up while you paint your guest bedroom because her life stopped, and...

Reintegration: Where I tell you about oceans.

(If you are new here, my husband is a medevac pilot who just returned home from a 9 month deployment to Afghanistan.) He’s home now, and we are lying in the dark under the covers, me with my hand on his arm because we must be touching. And he’s right next to me, but there is an ocean between us while he tells me what he’s seen. I’m holding my breath to keep the tears quiet, but they slip fat and...

Imprint

Sometimes, in your life, you collide with people who make a stunning imprint on your soul. I met her one time. One time, at Jaime’s funeral, on a day my heart was breaking. And how much more so was hers … aunt to my friend, and friend to me on an ugly, awful day. I remember her smile, even on that day, her love for Jaime, and for us, who came to honor her. Her concern for me, ME, on the...