“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.”
~Matthew 6:9-10
Most of you know …. words don’t usually fail me. Well perhaps I should say a lack of words is not a common problem for me.
This week I was paralyzed. I wanted to share my heart. Share this story. But I just don’t know what to say. And truly, this is not about me. Not even a little tiny bit.
Read this blog. Really. But you will need a forest of tissues. Read about Wavybel. Read about her daddy, Matt, who went to be with Jesus last Wednesday. It’s sad, and confusing, and there aren’t pretty answers and happy endings. But there is grace and truth and honesty and real faith.
Read or don’t read. Your choice. But pray for the Nagel family.
And hear this.
Someone, (a very wise someone), is blogging for the family.
This is a portion of what she wrote:
I’m not sure how to say that He has answered our prayers – the ones that we barely dared to utter…
Thy will be done.
Those four words are a breath-stealing gut punch.
What do you do when His will is not the happy ending you imagined? When the answer doesn’t come in a pretty package and a shiny bow.
When your heart is shards of clay, broken.
When your life is dirty and messy and it hurts and God is using the ugly beautiful that we slog through to shine the truth of the gospel, to give grace poured out, overflowing?
Not for one devastating second do I know how Molly Nagel feels. Her story is unfolding and I hope you read it, I do, and I hope you pray. I know you will see Jesus.
Here is a part of my story.
I first prayed that prayer in 2005. I have prayed it many times since, with Bug especially …. it has become a breath prayer, life-giving resuscitation to my oft-paralyzed heart.
But first, in that moment, I pleaded with the Lord that my precious wee one would live, would continue growing safely in my womb, a life so wanted. He said no. In a gut-punching, husband-in-Iraq, emergency-surgery kind of way.
And then He said yes to the second prayer. The words leaking from my surrendered heart, soaked with tears and sorrow.
If you ask me, my mommy heart, my flesh, my sin scarred soul will say without hesitation that I choose my babies. But – and I have said this before – I surrender my choice, knowing that I serve a God whose heart can weep with mine. Who carries my wee ones in His Shepherd arms. Who works all things together for good.
His Will be done. His glory. His gospel. His grace. And if for even one second, that gospel and grace is reflected off the shards of my broken heart–that He pieces back together every time–If His glory shines even from the deepest valley, the darkest well ….
Then I am grateful. He sustains me.
His will be done. Ever and always.
~M.
Do you know the Nagels? I feel like i do as we have many mutual friends and I have followed their story since the early days of Waverly’s adoption being contested. My heart is just breaking for Molly and Harper.
I don’t personally but we have mutual friends who asked us to pray. I spent all of Tuesday reading the blog and crying. Molly is heavy on my heart.