The kids were happily playing this morning-Wee Man was cruising up and down the hallway and J Girl was changing clothes for the eleventy millionth time-and I was blissfully enjoying my nice steaming cup of liquid crack coffee when I heard the following:

(Imagine lots of yelling and running and oh nos.)

“MOMMY!! … unintelligible … Asher …  unintelligible … POOP!”

So I’m up and running and I turn the corner down the hallway and lo and behold …. nekkid Wee Man has pooped, removed his diaper, crawled around on the poop log, ground it into the carpet, smeared it up and down his legs, lost interest in the poop log and is sitting gloriously naked in front of J girl’s dresser leaving poop smears on the carpet.

A. W. E. S. O.M. E.

Did I mention that Charlie Dog has also responded to the siren call and is assessing the situation with me. In a split second, Charlie is next to me EATING THE POOP LOG.

Gag. No, literally, I was gagging.

Such is my life. Don’t be jealous.

My Monday was somewhat redeemed by the following three things:

1) J girl’s outfit post naptime. It’s hard to see so let me break it down …. black and green leotard, purple velvet ruffled shrug, yellow tutu, bile green socks, too small tap shoes. My eyes bled a little … in a good way, I guess.

2) Her tap dance immediately following this photo. Tried to post the video, no go. Just imagine the awesomeness.

3) Dinner conversation:

J: Daddy, what kind of stuff do you know? (This is her new thing-she likes to tell us stuff she thinks we don’t know.)
Daddy: Pretty much everything in the whole world. (Editor’s note: I guess we ARE lying to the kids now …. )
J: Like what?
Daddy: Well, I know I’m cooler than Mommy. (Second editor’s note: ??????)
J: And how you are so handsome ….