“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

~Matthew 6:19-21

Well. I feel like I’ve gone ten rounds and I’m climbing back in the ring for another round …. I went around telling everyone yesterday how glad I was that we weren’t sick anymore …. famous last words.

Jaime has the flu from Hades …. as in she was literally on fire this morning. At one point her temperature was 105.7. Not going to lie …. I was panicking, it wasn’t pretty. And let me just go on record saying that I love my neighbor and she saved me today. Thank you Nurse Sutton! Sooooo grateful for you today.

Anyway, lots of sick germs were incubating in this house for the last month …. but that’s not what why I feel battered and bruised. Sleepless, for sure, but not beat. Definitely contributing to the reduced number of postings ….

Nope, I am laid low, humbled by my own lack of gratitude and a persistent tendency to hoard my treasures here.

I can feel myself getting smaller, more myopic. Worrying ….

about lots of stuff, none of it Kingdom focused. Gathering up my treasures here, physical items and people I value, abstracts I believe validate me …. my children …. their behavior …. our health …. all of it straw and chaff.

But oh the Lord speaks truth in so many ways …. and sometimes, this time, the plain truth stings, shocks me out of my singular focus.

In hearing the beauty of faith in other’s lives, experiencing the inherent grace when they share about infertility as I clench my fists in frustration at my beautiful headstrong daughter.

In tears streaming in recognition of my ungratefulness.

In straight talk from dear friends, plain speak that catches me off guard and pins the truth in clear view.

It’s not about me. It’s not about me …. or my treasures ….. and all the things I hoard thinking they will make me happy for a moment …. the scraps of shiny tin and bundles of straw that make me right as a wife/mother/friend/whatever hat I’m wearing.

I’m thankful for the lessons, truly, as they came over a week or so, but it finally penetrated my thick skull last night while I was awake for the umpteenth time with a teething Wee Man.

On a side note, and this is relevant, I promise, one of my great parenting fails is that I do not know a single complete nursery rhyme. I feel like my children are missing an integral part of their childhood and yet still I know not a one.

So …. I sing praise songs. Badly. But I do sing them. And Wee Man loooves me singing to him. So after I nursed him and he was still flailing and crying all stiff-legged and angry, I was swaying and singing the first song that pierced my fog of sleep.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Ohhhhh. I got it. At least for today. Even through the sleep haze ….

It’s not about me.

~M.

⁹For we are God’s fellow workers; you are God’s field, you are God’s building.¹⁰According to the grace of God which was given to me, as a wise master builder I have laid the foundation, and another builds on it. But let each one take heed how he builds on it. ¹¹For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. ¹²Now if anyone builds on this foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, ¹³each one’s work will become clear; for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each one’s work, of what sort it is. ¹⁴If anyone’s work which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward. ¹⁵If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire.

~I Corinthians 3:9-15

3 Comments

GeorgiaWren on March 2, 2012 at 5:23 am

Oh Molly! I needed to hear this. This last week has been so difficult. I knew God wanted me to learn/remember something. I think this was it. IT’S. NOT. ABOUT. ME.
Molly Huggins on March 2, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Yes, and it’s always one of this lessons with a sweet sting. But soooo necessary. Thanks for reading:)
i'm lindsey. on March 2, 2012 at 2:42 pm

oh yes, my favorite question as i go about my days…..”is this KINGDOM focused?” tends to stop me in my tracks 🙂
ahhhhhh, good words dear molly 🙂
loving and praying for you today as you tend to little jaimes.