I am boycotting New Year’s Eve after this year. Lame. For more reasons than this, but last night Wee Man Would. Not. Sleep. Hour(s) of wailing. Then J peed the bed. And woke Wee Man up. Then he woke up again. Then he was a.wa.k.e. at 6:30 am.
I seriously considered just putting my mouth under the drip on the coffee pot. I don’t need taste buds anymore. I do need caffeine.
Anyway, not my favorite holiday. However, the majority of the day was wonderful. Gigi’s here!! Yay!! [P’s momma, also known as Momma Huggs].
We went to a small town near here to cruise antique shops and play at the park. Sunshine, sixty degrees, well-behaved children, local pub food. Great day. Beautiful weather, did I mention that? Then last night [pre-Wee Man meltdown], it started hailing.
A hailstorm. Out of nowhere.
I was so confused.
As I was scrambling to pick up the chalk scattered all over my garage parking space so I could get my car inside, I had an epiphany.
Eureka! … (Editor’s note: SO excited to use that word.)
No really, I was contemplating how (or if) I wanted to write about the last year, to wrap it up in a neat little package, or maybe write about next year, what I want to do, hope to do, have fooled myself into thinking I will do … but I realized that the weather yesterday told all the story I need.
It was beautiful. Then stormy. Out of nowhere. And I pick up the pieces and scramble for the shelter I know I have in the arms of the Almighty.
“Weeping may endure for a night, or a week, or even a month, but Joy – Joy always comes in the morning.”
That was 2011. For that matter, it was 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 … you get the picture. And I feel it coming in 2012.
I don’t know how to describe it, and maybe I shouldn’t be articulating it – or anticipating what God will allow … but it’s coming. The storm is coming this year. I am struggling desperately with fear already, the vague harbinger of a specific storm. I feel it in my gut. A tornado.
A move. A new job. Another deployment? Another deployment. Fear.
I was praying for a verse, a passage to hold fast to this year, an anthem for 2012, and I can’t shake Isaiah 43.
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;”
My heart is sinking, hardening a little …. moving, more goodbyes, another year apart, more loneliness. And then in the deep dark, I know … there is sunshine in between. There is sunshine after. There is joy in the morning. There is shelter in the storm. I am His.
This morning the sunrise was perfect. Cloudless. Bright. Calm.
I know hope. It’s a daily battle, (and you will probably read about it), it will be for all three hundred and sixty five days. But oh grace. And the Word etched on paper and in my soul. And I know the end of the Story.
Happy New Year.
P.S. Sorry I feel like this was a little dark for beginnings. For new years. I realize I am probably carrying some residual emotion from the past month and my sinful heart strays toward fear of the unknown. Forgive me.
P.S.S. Also, more pictures of the babes!