I don’t want to think about the “last time” for anything.
But I have to – it’s a requirement for this life we live.
The closer good-bye comes, the larger “last” looms.
It’s why I always save the last {latest} voicemail from the Husband. It’s why I always say I love you on the phone … the last words he’ll hear from me, just in case. Each moment before the leaving swollen with significance when viewed through the lens of “last.”
Last grasps and a long hard last kiss goodbye and a walk away and it’s coming and I’m not ready.
No, I don’t want to talk about that tonight. Instead, I’ll tell you about the last first kiss … on a different hot July night nine years ago, and my stomach all twisted in knots, my heart leaping out of my chest. Interminable small talk, while he gathered his courage to tell me the truth. The best first kiss I ever had, too, in a swampy Florida park, and the campfire trailing out with the waiting and my best friend hiding in the tent. She was the kind of friend who would go to bed at seven pm because she knew how much he wanted to kiss me.
{This was just hours before.}
And when you ask him when he knew he wanted to marry me, he’ll tell you it was on that hot July night, when our lips touched and his knees knocked.
They knocked again five months later, when he asked me to marry him in the Spokane airport, me all un-showered and wearing two days of standby travel. Speechless.
And those three thousand and ten days-ish later, my heart is leaping still when I see him, my handsome soldier Husband who loves me, and our three babes, just a little bit less than he loves Jesus.
And in the upcoming days and weeks, last will be an ugly, hard word that conjures up the worst of all endings, but tonight, just for tonight, it is a treasured snapshot of our beginning,
~M.
{Editor’s note: If you are new to the blog, my Husband is an active duty Army pilot preparing for his fourth deployment … it’s heavy on my heart at the moment. Our deployments have been hard. And sanctifying, but mostly just really hard.}
I have a tear rolling down my cheek as I read this. Your story is beautiful! I will be praying for the safety of your husband. May God bless you and those beautiful children!
Thanks Jennifer … just checked out your blog … it’s beautiful. Congratulations on your book! I am looking forward to reading more … I am trying to tell a little of our story in book form and a lot of it centers around dealing with grief in various ways. Anyway, thank you for the prayers. I feel them all!
We all were waiting on that first kiss…we knew it was coming before you would admit it! Jaime was an awesome friend and I enjoyed the little time I got to spend with her. Your wedding is an awesome memory and I’m so happy I was able to share moments of that with you. It was so great to see you all this past weekend. Just wish Husband could have been with you. Love to you all and know you are in our prayers.
:). I was fighting it hard. Good to see your sweet family as well. More time at Christmas…yay!
oh the glory…
so much to celebrate here…and long for…{HUGS}
what a beautiful depiction of your heart. thanks for letting us in.
Thanks Nikki. Glad you were able to see it here … sometimes I get a little raw … my mom said the other day, “You are getting more and more blunt … “. Happy I have this space to share my heart:)
I love how you allow the last to lead you back to the first; the two are so often more deeply intertwined than we realize. Peace and hope and joy for your uncoming separation; praying God’s grace may be deep and heavy for you both.
Thank you for the prayers. Every one is a gift…
Deeply heart touching. Praying for your family.
Thank you Denise. Glad you landed here for a moment:)
This is a wonderful post and love note to your husband. The photo of you two and your children on the beach ~ I love that. Sometimes I don’t appreciate my husband enough and what he does for our family, and I need to change that. Thank you for helping me remember that! And prayers for the days to come with your husband’s deployment.
Thank you Kera. That photo … there were A LOT of tears pre and post photo … it definitely doesn’t tell the whole story:) Anyway, it’s good to remind myself on occasion as well. Thanks also, for the prayers, they are always so appreciated.
One word W.O.W – great post Molly
Thanks Gigi! Can’t wait to see you in A WEEK. Woohoo!!
This was truly beautiful!
I think you are wise to focus on the “firsts” instead of the lasts …
Thank you for your family’s service to our country. I appreciate it deeply.
Oh goodness … thank you. There is much grace involved not to hone in on the lasts. It takes a LOT of practice!
Beautifully said. My brother is a newly-retired Airforce pilot. I understand the emotions from a bit different angle. Prayers to you. Gracefully said.
Thank you. Prayers are ALWAYS coveted and appreciated. Thanks for visiting here:)