Jamester

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Happy Birthday J: On Grace, and Dancing.

Dearest J, my firstborn, my first girl. It’s your birthday tonight, and I’ve got some words to say to you. Truth be told, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed these days … truth be told, I’m a lot overwhelmed . Our life just keeps on happening in trickle down ways on trickle down days, and I turned around and you, my first baby, have been here a decade. I spent most of that decade in a daze wearing yoga pants and...

Parenting Idols

(I wrote this a few weeks ago … just now linking up here because I want you to hear me.)  PARENTING IDOLS I have a confession to make. I made an idol of my children. More accurately, the idea of my children, and my expectations of who they would be. I just knew, thanks to my loving yet firm hand, that they would exhibit first time obedience and perfect church behavior. We would homeschool, of course, with charts, and they would be...

The Month of the Military Child

April is the month of the military child. I have four wild souls populating this space, but my girl, my oldest, she has born the brunt of the choices we make in a way that is both beautiful and heartrending all at once. My husband’s last deployment was two years ago. This one, this one I didn’t think he would survive. (Spoiler, he did.) I hate watching him pack his bags. I hate saying goodbye. I hate watching the children say goodbye....

On Deployment, and Hard Stories

Deployment is a cornerstone of our story. The story I am working on in book form. Miscarriages. Moves. Deployment. Loss. So much grief. So much grace. I’ve shared bits and pieces of the beginning here in this space, but now I am a wee bit stuck. See, now I have to write this story. And truthfully, eight years later, I am still searching for the right words to tell you how my deployment changed me, as a Christian, as a mother,...

Happy Birthday to my First Girl

Oh friends. The suitcases are (FINALLY) put away, there is still a box or ten to unpack in the house and we are simultaneously mourning the end of the summer o’ cousins and celebrating the end of the epic move to the woods.  And yesterday (I mean 10 ish days ago) we celebrated a happiest of birthdays for our J Girl, the last night with cousins, and old friends in a new place with our first bonfire (and more birthday s’mores) at our...

Memorial Day: The Wrecking

It is surprising how grief changes over the years. Some things I know, I expect. The edges of the wound soften over time. The fear fades, mostly. We aren’t sad every day. Some things I don’t. Nine years and change later, you see a picture on Facebook of a Volkswagon Beetle, remember being the unwilling participant in a particularly hardhitting game of punchbug, and you find yourself tearing up while you paint your guest bedroom because her life stopped, and...

To My Daughter…

To my best girl … on {or about } your seventh birthday. I prayed about this letter … I couldn’t even write it on your actual birthday because it is overwhelming to think of all the words I want to say to you. I could talk about being beautiful on the inside {you are}, I could talk about your worth, your value in being a daughter of ours, and of the King – and oh my girl, you are a treasure, to us, and...